if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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