Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
