I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When are your genitals available?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
