He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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