im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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