is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
