Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
