On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
