Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
