Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
