dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
