I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
