I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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