Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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