who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
