i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
