Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I did not marry a roomba.
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