I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
