I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
