Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
