Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i drank out of a bidet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry about my life...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
