sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
