omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
