We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
