I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
