were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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