I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
