Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
