everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You are a genius and a whore.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
