ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
