His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
