nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
