So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
