I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Two words: blizzard sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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