Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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