dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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