Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
