He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
