sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
