I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
