I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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