My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
