I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
