Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
