Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
