Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
