At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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