the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
