I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
