she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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