so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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