I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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