I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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