I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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