he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
