I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
